I could instantly recall my early years as a shaman.
I had nothing to give back then, except for my mere soul.. sacrifice for learning. I had nothing else back then.
With my eyes closed now, I can dream all of the wonders I could achieve, but then, no, I couldn’t. Those eyes were for penetrating the essence, for navigating the Dream World.
Could I ask for anything else? I did not know back then, how beautiful that was. Since my last voyage as a young shaman I met numerous admirable animals such as the crawl, the bear, the hawk, the serpent and the cow. All of them directed my path wisely for as long as they’ve been on the New Land. I always believed them, as I’ve known that animals are the silent leaders of the Earth.
My first serious encounter with the Divine was a pond. A pond with green water and heavy air. Whereas its appearance was nearly perfect, the feeling of it was rather gloomy. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scattered resources to begin my healing practice.
First, I had to identify the marks and understand what happened. Then I had to heal it, if my power was enough.
I misunderstood the marks and tried to heal the mistreated pond with my inadequate, for the sacred place, strength.
Although the stars corrected my efforts towards the real source of decay, I lost most of my power, mainly because of my false understandings.
It was then, that my spirit awakened.
False as it may have been, my understanding was a true mirror of my inner confused heart.
The stars protected the pond and me as grand masters above me.
The pond was forever cursed and I had not seen it. If I could, I would have left and reported the inadequacy of my young spirit. But this was the teaching for me and all the other creatures looking that night.
Later in the Year of the Bear the pond came in my dreams. It was angry and no wind could justify the intense currents. I woke up and sang. The song was about the lost ones. I felt that this was the right song for her. Then I saw that it meant as a lullaby for the pond, where a woman was drowned to ease her pain.
It was no nice thing for the pond, for the woman. I may have been the source of pain for them, I may have injured them.
No knowledge justifies no judgment.
If it comes in your way, you are responsible. Maybe you were some years or some lives before. It comes to you so that you can restore a piece of Order. A child asked me once why would that little piece matter I showed him a bird and mountain. “Do you mind if the bird dies?” “No” he replied. “If the mountain gets lifeless?” “No..” he said again. “If your mother dies?” “Yes, of course I don’t want her to die..” he mumbled. “Then why shouldn’t we protect and nurture all of our Mother’s children? She gave us birth and we have an opportunity to appreciate her and love her back as she does. Isn’t that bird your talented brother? Isn’t the mountain your strong sibling?”
Now that the spirits have returned and my heart is in place, the dreams have awakened. They recount the paths taken and the ones avoided. They put no blame, dreams never do. They explain the effortless wisdom of the Nature and ask for your contribution.
My end as a Shaman occurred when I stopped dreaming. Throughout the infinite cycle, I thought and decided dreaming was an obstacle for my wellbeing. Animals ceased talking, birds became invisible and roars surfaced selectively. I could not hear Mother and therefore I forgot she ever existed. She tried to embrace me at night or when I visited her House, but I just didn’t recognize her voice. I thought air, wind and strangers were talking. She had never forgotten about me, and never stopped trying to comfort my pains.
Yet, I sensed lately her existence. During my silent prayers She walked towards me. She placed her arms around me and I started dreaming.